Fall Picture of Claudia's Tree

Looking very pretty with lots of color.

Happy Birthday Claudia

Claudia would have been 64 today.  I thought it would be a good time to share this wonderful poem Maggie Belisle wrote for Claudia on her birthday back in 2003.  Happy Birthday, dear Claudia.  Missing you especially today, and every day.

she is my sister

the woman i discovered

by surprise

she is a writer

and like wounded

by observation

sensitivity

and gifted

perceptions

she is deep

a cool mountain spring

quietly

bubbling forth

from the rocks

in the

Pennsylvania hillsides-

a welcome refreshment

to the astonishment

of weary fellow pilgrims

she is my friend

a sister-mother

a confidant and guru

to help me thru

these uncharted courses

i have chosen to take

she is wise

and more careful

than i

in so many ways-

my reckless restless

heart amazes her

in it’s truth

and it’s struggles

in it’s

yearning

to be free

and

known

but more than this

she is safety

and she is love

and she is home

for cloudy

on her birthday

8-14-3

maggie belisle

lewisburg, pa

Thinking of You, and then some

I remember when I first started working at my former job that a co-worker of mine was experiencing a lot of loss. One cousin lost his life in a storm, some elders were passing on, her husband's best friend passed in an unfortunate home repair task. I didn't know how she was coping. But she was. Sometimes it seems that when loss comes, too much of it comes. I know this was true of me and most likely my husband when we were younger, he lost his mother to MS as a teenager, a good friend passed in a restaurant fire, grandparents passed on. With me after my mother passed on, I lost a friend who was like a mother for me, and I lost some friendships, friends that were more interested in being competitive with me than being there for me at the time, and I lost beloved family pets due to old age, lost a boyfriend or two when I craved stability. Such situations can make one anticipating when the other shoe will drop, which is an awful mental exercise to experience.

Things got much better for my co-worker, her family has expanded to daughter marriages and grand-kids. My husband and I eventually found each other, his business has brought him many friends and I too have moved on.

My co-worker friend told me soon after her husband's best friend's death, she, her husband and other friends of the gentleman who passed on, were dining out talking about missing their good friend "Pete".  All of a sudden, Pete's favorite song came over the restaurant sound system and they all froze, then smiled. Was their dear friend letting his presence be known? Who knows, but it had a healing effect on all of them.

My sister Claudia's untimely passing has been so hard to come to grips with. For my husband and I it's worrying about her husband and knowing from past experience, after loss, life can feel awfully chaotic, if not be chaotic. I was thinking about this the other day while going upstairs, on a shelf by our stairwell I have some battery operated lights that don't work, I happened to look at one of my wedding photos of Claudia and my co-Maid of Honor at the beach where we were married. All of a sudden the battery lights started blinking.

I don't wish to project my own assumption of this unique happenstance, but I do hope that there is such a thing as visitations from passed loved ones that could offer a feeling of hope, and peace to those of us left behind.

Claudia's birthday would've been tomorrow. For those of us missing her, I hope we all can seek comfort and peace as time goes by, through remembering the good times we enjoyed while she was here. Also to treasure her memory by celebrating something she loved, cooking, organic gardening, reading and writing. Claudia in particular connected to people through her love of reading, for those reading this blog, by all means feel free to add a Claudia memory or share a book you've just read, or a recipe or garden photo here, and I'll let you know if those battery lights start blinking again.

In Loving Memory

We lost Claudia one year ago today.  It doesn't seem possible.  Remembering what a wonderful person I was blessed to share my life with and missing her today and every day.  Rest in peace, dear Claudia.

 

A Mind not Wasted

My sister Claudia left us too soon. She passed July 29th last year. In particular this month will be a hard one on those she left behind. Collage-like images float in my mind more frequently now, images of Claudia and me growing up. Images of my sister laughing her head off when I blurted out a smartass retort–or–like one time, rushing to meet up with her in our backyard, badminton racket in hand, falling down the stairs and landing in a prayer position. If she was Abbott then I was definitely Costello.

When not laughing at my foibles, Claudia loved to read, and read and read some more, as did our mother, as did her husband Jim's mother Marge. At her service, one woman shared how she stumbled upon my sister on her lunch break, book in hand, journal in other, writing copious notes on what she'd just read. These notes made their way as reviews on Amazon, I've read some, startled at the breadth of my sister's intellect. But then as a student, A's came easily to her, and she accelerated into A groups effortlessly, in a town that made it clear "outsiders" couldn't be nearly as smart as their homegrown children–(we were transplanted from the West Coast). My smart sister beat the provincial snobbishness in Fairfield County with aplomb. And I suspect some of those A's weren't always the result of burning-the-candle late at night, she had a mind like a steel trap, it absorbed, then forever stored incredible amounts of information.

In memory of my sister's keen intellect, and my mother's and brother-in-law's mother Marge, I plan to create something to honor their love of reading. For me, this is materializing in a future Free Little Library in our garden.  I discovered when walking around Lewisburg with Jim that there are several Free Little Libraries dotted around the charming historical section of this town. I often wonder if Claudia stopped to peek in them on her daily walks. If you reading this blog post would like to honor my sister's memory, I implore you as I did last year when reading her eulogy–to read a good book, read one today, or share one with a child, or donate to your local library in memory of a loved one who's passion to read matched my sister's. I think Claudia would happily approve.

To visit Little Free Libraries in Lewisburg PA, check this Pinterest post out:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/537969117960021314/

Copy of Bucknell World picture found

Recently Claudia's sister Suzanne visited her father and stepmother in Florida and noticed a copy of the original photo used in the article framed in their home (See Bucknell World Article and Pictures post of 1/26/15).  Apparently Claudia had a copy made for them.  Here is a scan of that copy.  Many thanks to Suzanne and Norene.

Claudia's Tree

Springtime shows that the tree planted in Claudia's memory (see post of 12/10/14) is some type of maple, and it has survived the winter quite nicely.  Here is a picture taken today from Claudia's library.  I think she would like it.

Our Anniversary

Today, April 8, would have been our 27th wedding anniversary.  Happy Anniversary, Claudia.  Missing you so terribly today and every day.

Claudia's Winning Recipe

My sister Claudia was forever experimenting in her kitchen. She loved digging into cookbooks, especially classic ones-(Julia Child), to find just the right recipe to test. She often re-adjusted recipes substituting healthier options  to please her own–or husband Jim's palate.

So it wasn't a surprise when she won  a recipe contest held by a national magazine for her Creamy Pesto Alfredo Pasta dish, a recipe she based on an older recipe but changed around ingredients to put her own stamp on the dish. Claudia and Jim included the recipe in their cookbook that they created one Christmas and gifted to family and friends. Below is Claudia's  winning recipe appropriately titled "$200 Pesto Alfredo Pasta" as this was her prize amount. Try it out tonight! You won't be sorry it's a winner!

$200 PESTO ALFREDO PASTA

Time Factor:    30 minutes easily, including tossing a green salad.
Major Equipment:    Pasta pot, large non-stick skillet, pasta serving bowl.
Serves:    2 – 4, depending what else is served.

Ingredients:

½ lb. pasta, any shape
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons dried basil
1 large clove garlic, minced
4 oz. reduced fat (Neufchatel) cream cheese
½ cup (liquid measure) reduced fat cottage cheese
1/3 cup grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
½ cup chopped fresh flat-leaf (Italian) parsley leaves
½ cup dry white wine

Start warming the pasta serving bowl and heat pasta water.  Cook the pasta according to package directions, coordinating the time to finish cooking at the same time as the sauce.

In the large non-stick skillet, heat olive oil over medium low heat and sauté dried basil and garlic slowly, without browning, about 5 - 7 minutes, to soften the basil. 

Add cheeses and parsley, mixing well, turning heat to medium.  Add wine to thin sauce.  Heat well and cook down to desired thickness, about 5 minutes.  Add another tablespoon of wine if it is too thick.

Drain pasta, toss with sauce in warmed pasta bowl.  Or, toss pasta with sauce in skillet.  Serve immediately.

Origin:  The late great Marsha Scott Gori used to make this laden with full fat cream cheese and butter.  I overhauled it and added the wine.  I submitted it to a 1992 Better Homes and Gardens magazine contest and won, earning $200, which I spent on a cast iron floor lamp and the cost of a replacement glass shade necessitated when cats broke it a week after it arrived.  I have, alas, lost my copy of the magazine in which the recipe was published. 

Letter and Poem from Maggie Belisle

I am sending the small bit of writing I did in the close, resounding moments after hearing the very sad news. Writing is the instinct I developed over the years for attempting to comprehend the incomprehensible. Sometimes it helps, lends a sense of closure or completion and other times it just helps me ‘manage’ the sense of helplessness that accompanies so much of what Life offers.

In the days since then, I have been enlightened by the recognition of how much of “who I am now” is a direct result of the unique way in which Cloudy touched my life. The example she was to me as she shared her life and her friendship with me. Always the same, always with great compassion and wisdom. Always without reservation or judgment.  She was a stalwart friend. A true friend. I am so blessed to have had her in my life. Me and everyone else.

We both had been directed to one another’s attention by Dr. Toole. And when we connected it was love at first sight.

I was taken by her poise and reserve and delighted by her wit and unfailing instinct for joy and laughter. Soft spoken, intelligent, beautiful, gentle, womanly Claudia and me-a Calamity Jane cowgirl who always saw myself as a feral stray cat, attempting to cope with my particular version ‘freedom’. An Odd Couple.

We had many things in common, writing, books, our mother’s and high school in Europe. Thus the name “Cloudy”… because that pronunciation of her name just stuck in my mind after Italy.

The friendship was an instant success also-because as a hardcore goof-ball ham- I loved discovering that I could make her laugh. And as my life became overtaken by a collection of devastating events over many years, sharing laughter with my gentle, caring friend became an oasis of refreshment in a sea of troubles.

That stormy sea, I eventually attempted to navigate with the help of antidepressants and alcohol—predictably, a dreadful combo.  And when at last I had at last managed the first year of sobriety, she gave me a memento of toy devil sluggin it out with an angel …and the reminder that I had won the first year of what would become many more to come. Her love again. A lighthouse at sea and a beacon on dry land. No matter what… she believed in me.

It was always so clear to me that Claudia was safe. A safe harbor of deep wisdom and compassionate insight. She could listen to me tell of the things that needed saying and reflect back to me that the grace I needed was truly within me. She believed in me when I was most at odds with any ability to believe in myself. And as I told Suzanne, she was a mentor and an inspiration because “she always saw the rose before the bloom appeared.”

What an incredible gift she was to us all. And just how much my life has been enriched for knowing her is before me every day. It is astonishing for me to think that I went from two packs of cigarettes a day, 3 beers and four white Russians with Prozac and a microwaved mummified hot dog for dinner to a sober, married life of organic farming, yoga, meditation and a sense of peace-which I hope in some way resembles the light she showed me.

It was a fitting tribute that every single person who gathered to remember Claudia, continues to share the same vision of the same unique person who touched their lives by the simple and beautiful essence of who she truly was.

This was a replication of the logo image that Claudia drew-

often added to her letters and gift labels to me signed "Cloud."

I took it that morning in the garden at her farewell.

Claudia Ebeling was my friend.

The very heart of grace.

Kindness came naturally to her.

In every encounter

she led from the heart

and demonstrated her belief in

the undeniable efficacy of Love

to transform and transcend

Everything.

My life, still

touched by her love

changed by her friendship and

her unfailing belief in me.

She saw my light

despite my many shades of shadow.

So I came to know the value of my worth

because she chose to show me love.

One life made more vibrant

by her hand and her willingness to share her heart.

She was my teacher. A writer and a soul who possessed

an unhesitating generosity

of spirit

of joy

of love.

She sparkled in her laughter and her wit

and magically

magnified joy

in the world around her.

What she lived

continues

to thrive and

flourish here

because she was wise.

Wise and kind and loving.

Now it is our time

to take this gift

and do the same.  

To

Be the Light

and

quietly, beautifully

Shine

as

One

with

Claudia.

maggie belisle 7-30-14

My Sister Claudia's Library

Many women dream of having their own home library, not a reality for those with rooms given to off-spring and other family necessities. But my sister Claudia was fortunate. Along with husband Jim, her library was built early into their central PA Victorian town house with sky-high ceilings.

Claudia inherited my mother's love of reading early in life. When Claudia moved to central PA to be with then boyfriend Jim, she'd call mom on Sundays and they'd go over favorite reads of the week, New York Times book reviews and ended the conversation with shared reading recommendations.

These two women were never at a loss to talk about books.

Our mother didn't have a room dedicated to a library, but Claudia's library has bookshelves spanning up to the ceiling and spilling over to a beautiful wood bookcase. Whimsically perched around her beloved books are a collection of wood artist mannequins serving as bookends.

This room was my sister's sanctuary, and I'm so grateful that she enjoyed if for many years. It is here that she wrote copious notes in her journal on recently read books, or scoured recipes, and wrote in long-hand first– book reviews that garnered her a much followed reviewer on Amazon, and even earned her a prize, if not emails from authors.  I personally was amazed at my sister's intellectual capacity to grasp such arcane concepts and difficult reads, this I think is when I realized what a true intellect she was.

Although Brother-in-Law Jim shared some of Claudia's reviews here, I wanted to share one more, and by all means, feel free to search her on Amazon, as my sister not only covered fiction and non-fiction–but her consumer instincts-finely tuned by our mother and especially husband Jim, she also shared some good house-hold buys for the discerning homeowner. Enjoy:

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

Humanity in a Major Key, August 17, 2011

By 

C. Ebeling "ctlpareader"

Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Comedy in a Minor Key: A Novel (Paperback)

Hans Keilson, who died on 31 May 2011 at the age of 101, escaped Hitler and was helped by the Dutch resistance. Though a doctor, he was also an accomplished writer. The novella Comedy in a Minor Key was published after the war and tells the story of a young Dutch couple, Wim and Marie, who are quickly persuaded by arguments of doing the humane thing, Christian charity and Dutch patriotism, to hide a Jewish man, Nico, in their home. As the story opens, Wim, Marie and their doctor are standing by Nico's bed, stunned that he has died of pneumonia. The story cycles in and out of their existence together, but also addresses the suspense of disposing of the body, very risky business. There is a plot turn at this point that I won't get into, but suffice to say there is more suspense.

This is also a terrific character study of the human condition, tackling risk, fear, the problem of being saved yet imprisoned, the satisfaction of doing the right thing and, ultimately, disappointment. Marie had always envisioned she, Wim and Nico triumphantly dancing out of the house together on Liberation Day and his death cheats her of that satisfaction. And it's the irony of it all that leads the author to call this a comedy, however in the key of sad music, because it's like that gimmick in a stage comedy where the audience is expecting a character to emerge from the curtains on one side of the stage and is looking over there when he suddenly appears out of the other.

Keilson gets emotion down right and his characters are charmingly, wryly human. He's a natural storyteller. Though I don't speak the language in which it was written, the translation offers up a strong sense of authenticity. The book flows swiftly and can be read in an evening. This reissue, published in America for the first time, was on the shortlist for the 2011 National Book Critics Circle Award.

More Favorites

If you are viewing for the first time, it may make more sense to start with the first posts, Claudia's obituary and eulogy, and work your way forward, although after those the pictures and posts are not in any particular order.

In just a few days it will be 7 months since Claudia left us.  Her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day all have passed in this new world.  I hope that the pictures shared here bring back some fond memories for those of you who knew and miss her.

South Nags Head Margaritas, 9/4/2003

Oregon Inlet, 5/22/2011

Trail near State College, 10/08/2006

Connecticut beach, October 2000

With Data and Andy, Spring of '97

With lifelong friend from Westport days, Mina Tobin, Summer '99

Probably around 1992

At my parents' house in Troy, '95

With good friend from PGSA days, Karin Wilkins, 5/30/2009

5/18/2008 at our house

Pilot House, Cape May, 10/02/2009

Christmas Day 2002, with sister Suzanne on the Bucknell quad

Outer Banks, 9/9/2005

Cape May, 10/03/2009

More Assorted Pictures

I have been going through old albums and rolls of photos that never made it to albums, and picked out some favorites.  Here's the first group.

Claudia's kitchen at S. Nags Head rental, May 2003

The next 3 are undated, but I'm thinking early to mid 90's.

South Nags Head, early 90's

Sailing at Montour Preserve, probably late 80's

South Nags Head, Sept. '98

Margarita, March '00

South Nags Head Sept. '94

Sept. 94

Sept. '94

Bucknell World Article and Pictures - updated 5/30/15

In 1991 Claudia wrote "Good Friends," the cover story for the July issue of Bucknell World magazine.  Part of this involved her picture being taken by a then local professional photographer Terry Wild.  I have searched the house high and low for the original photo that was used in the magazine, but as yet haven't been able to locate it.  What I did finally find is the other photos that were not chosen for the article.  Here are two of the best ones.

Since blogger will not handle pdf files, I had to put the actual article elsewhere - but it can be accessed with the link below.  You will probably need to enlarge the font using the + tab at the top of the page in order to read it.  Her picture is on page 2, but I encourage you to read the whole article.  If you have any problems accessing the file please email me.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2teriuKc3aeemRPeTlaVHhVTEk/view?usp=sharing

5/30/15 - Copy of Picture Found!  Recently Claudia's sister Suzanne visited her father and stepmother in Florida and noticed a copy of the original photo used in the article framed in their home.  Apparently Claudia had a copy made for them.  Here is a scan of that copy.  Many thanks to Suzanne and Norene.

 

Family Photos from the Attic

     Here are some pictures I found going through the archives Claudia inherited when her father sold the house at 16 Lone Pine Lane in Westport, CT.  Most of these I had never seen before.

Claudia with their poodle, Mimi

With their Manx kitty, Minka

Spain, summer of 1968

Wedding Day plus Assorted Pics from Late 80's

     After many years together, on April 8, 1988 we formalized our love and commitment and were married.  Nothing fancy; our local district justice and neighbor, Leo Armbruster performed the services at the Union County  Courthouse. My parents were the guests.  We drank margaritas in celebration.

Bride and Groom

With my parents

Claudia and flower boys Pedro & Cesar

     The rest of the pictures in this post are some of my favorites from that time period.

Baltimore Inner Harbor trip in March '88.  There's that beautiful smile I loved so much.

With friends Wally Payne and the late Bob Cole in May '88

Our first trip to South Nags Head in September '88

Claudia's kitchen Summer '89

South Nags Head in May '90